Harry Potter is a whole new world unto itself. I started on the series when I was 9 and went through all manners of madness and anxiety waiting for the instalments. You can say that it was my childhood. But Twilight was my teenage saga; I came across it at the anguished age of 14. Yes, Harry Potter addresses many issues, from racism to heartbreak to sacrifice.
But who can say for certain that they clearly saw these things when they read the series as a child or a teenager? I didn't. I felt for Harry, I shipped Ron and Hermione, I cried for Sirius, I loathed Snape (before I knew his pain), and I smiled indulgently at Dobby. Not once did I recognize that the Mudblood-pure blood dichotomy as a reflection of something closer to our Muggle world. All I did was feel.
And in the same manner, my teenage, unhappy self felt for Bella in Twilight. For me, it was never about Edward. Loneliness made me feel that having someone who cares for me almost obsessively like he does for Bella wouldn't actually be a bad thing. Ultimately, though, I was drawn to Bella's pain.
When you're in your teens, heartbreak is a big thing. You don't have enough wisdom in you to feel that the hurting phase will pass. It's a tear-filled road with no end in sight. Everything is just so HOPELESS. And so Stephenie Meyer's description of Bella's state after Edward left her resonated. Hermione was strong after Ron left, but I didn't feel strong. I wasn't catatonic or numb by any means; there were actually happy moments with friends and family.
But contemplations during quiet moments felt exactly like it. I thought that my inner self was unmoving and unseeing in a haze of pain. I didn't jump off a cliff just so I could hear Edward's voice, but I wished desperately, so desperately for a way to be happy again. I read about Bella and thought, this is how I feel. This. This. This. It was therapy.
Grieving is a natural process. Addressing the pain is an important step. If you don't know what you're feeling, how can you get over it? I started with New Moon, which for me was the book that said it all, and went back to Twilight, which was a reminiscence of happy times. Eclipse justified holding out for the person who broke your heart, no matter how crazy it looked. And Breaking Dawn was where Bella was happy, which was what I wanted for myself. After that, I moved on.
That's all. It was never about the plot. It was never about the sparkly vampires. There are hundreds of variations of the vampire lore with plots cheesier than Twilight, and I don't see people throwing tomatoes at them. The saga put words to what I cannot say, and for that I will always think of it with gratitude.
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