Passing Through Smiling.

It's easy to be happy these days. A joy to wear my own skin. My own brand.

It's not as if all have been rosy lately. I still make the same mistakes, treacherous thoughts still reverberate in my skull, and sometimes my mouth needs to be sewn shut.

But I do my self-depreciation in private. As bittersweet as it is for me no one needs to see. For every error in judgement I whisper "And you said you would be better" and heave a laden sigh.

Then I go out of that room and try to be better. As I walk and friends and acquaintances say Hi, I confine my mistakes to my own body and be happy.

Happy that I'm in IIUM and doing a degree; there's still so much to learn. Happy that I'm comfortable in my clothes. Happy when others say Hi because no matter how tiny I'm a part of someone else's memory. Happy that I've come to be fond of myself, even when I know its truth.

And I think, "Lord, thank you for this life." Sins, pain and loneliness, our consciousness is a beautiful gift and everything else is a miracle.

"And she smiles unto herself.."