ra ya

Selamat, Hari Raya
kepada saudara serta saudari
setahun, hanya sekali
merayakan hari yang mulia ini

wooooooo! nk raya dh! wooooooo! oh hell, who am i kidding. raya tahun ni cam tak best je :(
but at least baju raya agak memuaskan! :D (shallow, shallow me)

baju kurung : 2 pasang (green & purple)
baju biasa : a long-sleeved shirt, a kebaya top
kasut : a pair of purple crocs, a pair of high heels

HIGH HEELS? gaaahhhh.
i really hate to admit this to myself, much less my family, but i am beginning to covet anything that remotely resembles high-heeled shoes. esp shiny ones. patent. esp wedges. esp those damnable pretty wedges. am i really beginning to turn into a full-fledged woman?
i was a happy tomboy in my early years. short hairdo and all. boyish clothes. so much so that my busybody aunts had given up on me. No more, they said. no more girly things for aina. i was happy. yes i really was happy. nobody tried to force me into wearing skirts again. not even my granma, who is very bossy, but in a good way. i was happy!
BUT NOW.
i didnt think much of it at first. Lorh Aina. Takyah cuak. You just like shiny things. Thats what i told myself when i was staring in fascination at a pair of really shiny (black) high heels, and i mean reeely hiiiigh heels that made my feet hurt just by looking at it. i was worried. what does this mean? i tried to banish ridiculous thoughts from my mind. No no nooo...

that was about... 8-9 months back, i think. there was this time when my mum's side of the family wanted to berbuka together at a restaurant. i was dressed in a long-sleeved shirt, jeans, and yes, wedges. actually i only have one pair, they're black and very boring. i liked how the wedges made me feel. i felt womanly. and sexy (please shoot me for admitting this). this morning i went shopping for shoes, and those damnable pretty wedges had my attention. i've always liked ballerina flats. they're for formal occasions before, because apparently wearing sneakers with baju kurung is something adults frown upon. well, at least my adults. ok, but this is different! oh my godddd. i was caressing the stupid high heels and saying things like Eh lawanye. Aaaa comel! barely spared a glance at the sneakers section. oh god. i am very aggravated at the moment. there are actually 2 things resulting from this madness that i cringe from.

1. the desire to prove to my friends (and everybody else. and the world) that i can soooo walk in high heels. i may have problems with equilibrium but Boleh lah pandai! Tak caye sudah. Bila tengok jangan ternganga. i've been dying to say that :(
2. my aunts' and granma's reaction. when i first voiced my wish to purchase a pair of high-heeled shoes to my granma, she told my aunts. great. because my aunts will never let me get away with this. true enough, upon knowing, one of my aunts said, Sejak bila Aina jadi perempuan ni? and smirked at me. dammit. dammit.

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HANDBAGS! I USED TO HATE THEM BUT NOW I CARRY THEM AROUND WHEN I GO OUT. DAMN THIS TRANSITION INTO WOMANHOOD. DAMN IT! DAMMIT. SHOOT. COW CRAP. I HATE THIS.
can someone please, just please, save me?

p.s. i really lurrve my purple crocs.