Silent Agitation.

Agitation is the antonym of serenity. And I feel far from serene these days.

I am detached. From people, from moments. Losing the ability to immerse yourself in a moment is a depressing thing.

Your friend makes a joke. It's funny. You start to laugh. And halfway, your mind detaches, separates itself from your feelings. You start to analyse what you're doing. What am I doing here? Where should I put my hand? How long should I laugh?

You look down to yourself and ask why. Why am I not here? You wonder where you are. In doing so you have lost the moment, and another joy is denied.

There are some days when I'm able to laugh with total abandon. Days when I talk and don't suddenly trail off to listen to my voice. But the loneliness on days other than these is suffocating. I am in a glass box.. You don't make sense to me and I to you.

Who's to blame for this but me? I've settled myself into a routine of absorbing and taking in, that I've forgotten to leave my mark where I stand.

I read, but what do I do with the knowledge I've gained? I learn, but what have I done with my lessons? I interact, but what do I leave people with?

Watch, listen, and take in. That's all we ever do nowadays. Not that there's anything wrong with being an onlooker, collecting our thoughts. We have compassionate ones. Funny ones. Profound ones. But ultimately, what we do define who we are, not thoughts. I want to be able to say with certainty that not only do I exist, I live and live well.

I want to be able to say "My name is Aina", and that is explanation enough. This is not a matter of satisfying a need for fame, although as a human being that does exist for me. It's about being and feeling better.

This quote has left a deep impact.

"It's easy to die for Allah. But it's far harder and better to live for Him."

Pray. Read. Learn. Think. Try. Create.