The new Blogger is weird.

Hello! I am waving cheerily and behaving in the most unapologetic manner, although I have deserted this humble abode of thoughts for close to two months. Or is it already two?

When one puts on one's glasses and really look for reasons to feel happy, one will find many (if you're not short-sighted don't put on glasses, they'll make you go cross-eyed). That's how I feel right now. I'm currently in the first year of my Bachelor of Law studies in International Islamic University Malaysia. And I am happy. Everywhere I turn, I see mountains and truly, I couldn't ask for a more beautiful university.

I never thought I'd be reading Law. I can honestly say that it has never crossed my mind. But Allah has put me in this position, and I am (again) happy that I find myself liking it. No regrets.

But there's this one question that had settled itself deep in the walls of my heart (right) from the moment I knew that I was going to read Law. Is it wrong to have no desire for a career?

Ambitions, I have plenty. And they belong to the domestic category. Simply said (with no pretense of giving them fancy names), I'd like to be a wife and a mother. I'd like the pretty details that will come with those two titles; a white house, a small garden,.. But I am realistic, and I acknowledge that monies do not grow on trees nor can they be fished out of seas. Before starting a family, I would have to work for a few years to pay for the down payments of the house, the car,.. There's also my parents, Adam, and Azad to think of. Nothing would satisfy me more than to pay for their my parents' expenses and the boys' education. I know my responsibilities.. But do I have to fall in love with them?

Do I have to dream about having a job? Truly, I've searched my heart (laugh please) and find the desire lacking. There's no "I want to be..", only "I could be..". It makes for awkward moments during ice-breaking sessions in tutorials. The lecturer will almost always require us to state our ambition and I would be furiously thinking up a lie to offer. Lecturer, lawyer, legal adviser.. It changes everytime. I'm ashamed to say that I've never had the courage to say that I think I shouldn't be limiting myself to pre-conceived plans. I think that when the time comes for me to get a job, I'll take a path that seems most suitable and go on from there. I think that I should be open to possibilities.

I wonder what adults would think of me, a 19 year old talking about not wanting a career and having a family?

What do you think?